On Asexuality 1.5

An addendum to the previous post:

What if you like foreplay but not sex?

Damned if I'm qualified to tell you whether you count as a legit asexual. Like any other queer category, it's a self-identified group.

Honestly, though, liking foreplay but not sex would seem to fall squarely into the asexual category unless you are motivated by sexual attraction to engage in foreplay.

I don't know what sexual attraction feels like; that's between you and your junk. I assume that different people value parts of a sexual experience more than others. If you happen to value one more than the other but still consider your motivation to be sexual attraction, then I would consider that to be sexuality. If you value foreplay more than sex because of your lack of sexual attraction to others and because you've got a different reason for enjoying foreplay, then welcome to the monochrome mob, comrade.

Having as much experience of sexual attraction as a rutabaga has of calligraphy, I cannot comment on or empathize with it. Go lust after a lamppost if it floats your boat. Look at it standing there, all steely and curvaceous and RAVISHING. If you can get along fine without sex, feel that your complete expression of love is not bound to sex, and/or want to embrace the label, go for it.

...

I feel like there are about sixty layers of sophistication that completely went over my head like a V-2 rocket on the way to destroy everything I have ever known. Well, the awesome thing about the sexuality spectrum, or sphere, or camel, or bassoon, or where was I? Oh yes. --is that people love to debate it with infinitely more skill than I could dream of. May the world listen.

P.S. Little thing that bothers me: Asexuality--as a queer category--doesn't mean "weighing your options". (I'm looking at you, mom.) It doesn't mean that you are sexually attracted to people regardless of their gender, although there are panromantic asexuals out there. That's called pansexuality. Asexuality is a bit of a clunky word because it can be literally defined in several ways. *grumble, crosses arms*

P.P.S. Ooooh! For the very best in asexual debate and camaraderie, wander over to the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN). They will answer questions you have, questions you don't have, and questions you never want to have.