On Asexuality

A friend pointed out to me that the term “asexual” is actually a misnomer for some people who might identify with the label. I had hinted on several occasions that graphic sexual imagery or verbally described sexual situations squicked me out a bit, as did the prospect of having sex. She called me on it to confront my identification as asexual.

In order to be a-something, one must be absolutely indifferent to it. A dislike or disgust would turn one’s position into an anti-.

I maintain that it is possible for someone to be truly indifferent to sex and yet still shun it or situations that lead to it.

Here’s my logic. Sex requires both participants to hurdle several social taboos (such as touch and sight of genitalia), rendering each person quite vulnerable. You don’t just go from sitting on the couch to full-on banging unless you’re trapped in a comedically cut porn film.  Romance-minded people might recognize the hurdling as “intimacy”. Anyway, would-be lovers cross these boundaries to achieve the end goal of intercourse.

Going the distance with a partner who doesn’t really see what the huge deal is about inserting tab A into slot B, or any combination thereof, gets tricky.

One can dislike foreplay and still be indifferent to sex, because the whole point of foreplay is that it is arousing in and of itself while leading to something perceived as inherently desirable and enjoyable. If only one partner is attracted and/or aroused, the other partner may see foreplay as needless excess that encroaches upon their social boundaries, even with a romantic partner. If the asexual partner values their relationship enough, he or she might consent to foreplay, but as a sort of chore. Who wants to do chores? That's right. Liars.

Therefore, if one experiences no revulsion towards intercourse itself, yet is distressed by the situations, activities, and actions that often accompany intercourse, then one can still truthfully adhere to the asexual label. 

Damn, I tried to explain that clearly and it sort of failed. Ugh. It may seem like I type with pretentious words to make myself seem more intelligent, but truthfully I've forgotten how to write any other way. To compound the problem, I write more formally and with more periodic sentences whenever I feel that something is at stake. Please forgive.